Thoughts on thoughts1

This is an exploration of the way I think. I hope to do them fairly regularly. No goal, no structure. Start with a notice* and work from there.

Today, starting with 'when I dream, buildings go down instead of up.' I hadn't noticed that until I was describing this dream about a giant department store/library to someone. In the dreams, it seems perfectly natural. You enter the store on the ground level, or sometimes above ground level if the streets are above ground level (which has been known to happen in my dreams) and go down to the second floor. Usually by way of an old wooden staircase. Since the rooms are underground, there are no windows, but there's plenty of light from lamps and such. It's slightly warm light, but not as yellow as the music room is currently. Nevermind, that's only the library, which makes sense.

Anyway, I automatically think that way. One reason could be that I like being underground. That's true, but doesn't really explain much. It feels so weird to be interpreting my dreams this way, like something my mother would do. Mostly, though her explanations make a lot of sense. Another theory, one I've been working with lately, is that I like to think in the opposite direction from most people. If civilization is going forwards, if most peoples' thoughts move forwards, mine move backwards. I wrote a poem about it for extra credit on a math test, but that poem sucks.

This has deteriorated into the sort of thing I don't post even more quickly than expected. Maybe I'll post it anyway. It certainly shows lots about my thought process. Written as close to stream-of-consiousness as I get. You can't show all the colors and textures of emotion in writing anyway.

*the colored words in this journal are used to indicate a word used with a meaning differing at least slightly from it's standard usage. A notice is an observation.