Thoughts on thoughts2

Too much going on in my head right now to bother with a topic. Just need to writ stuff down.

I'm getting really avoidant. I just can't let myself get into arguements anymore, ever. If I'm angry at someone, I avoid them, lie to them and say it's fine, or act sarcastic enough that they stop talking to me. I never let myself be direct, do anything I can think of to avoid conflict. It's not working. I just am terrified of changing it.

If this were in the journal I use for personal mental notes, I'd write down that I should change it.

I know that's the case because that's how things work for me. If I find a problem with how my mind is working, I write down 'I should change this' and send the thought into my mind. My subconsious deals with whatever-it-is and I move on. The fixes often aren't very good, though. It's strange to hear people complaining about how they wish they could change the way they thought about certain things. Thought is completely controlable. Anything mental is. I don't know how I'd stand it if that weren't true.

I don't want to be writing anymore now. I have other things I want to write about, but I don't want to actually type them. Inside of my head is too noisy.