Names

I've collected nicknames for myself since I was seven or so. Every few years, I'll find one that really fits, and it will become my usename. No 'r' in that.

For the last few years, I was so obsessed with dividing up my consiousness that I didn't have one name. I went by my birth name, or a combination of names, or whichever name fit my mood. Lately, that hasn't been working so well. I'm starting to feel like I need a name that I choose for myself for use at least in my head.

I came up with my name a while ago, but only decided it actually fit well last night (or earlier today, really). I'm Riva now, in my head. It comes from Alarivana, but uses a combination of letters that never was a name before. It's clearly related to Rivka, which apparently means something to me now. It also is pronounced Reava, making me think of Reavers and reminding me of the side of myself I like to forget. It's a good name.

I have no idea if I want to use this in person. If people start calling me by it, I won't mind, but it doesn't matter that much. In past, I wouldn't have even told this name to anyone, because it's too close to my true name, and I'm superstitious. I didn't know true names very well when I came to that conclusion. Mine doesn't translate into sound, so I figure I'm safe.

One name I don't want to be called is Alarivana. I never was Alarivana. She's a character of mine, not me.