First Thoughts

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and most of it isn't stuff that fits very well into words. When I do find words, they're full concepts expressed as simple statements that make little or no sense. I really don't like explaining them. For tonight, my idea is:

People assume I'm depressed because I don't express joy.

hmm. There actually is a bit of explaining/extension that goes with that thought. In myself, that assumption is different. I don't determine my own emotions based on what I express to the world, unlike people-who-aren't-me. However, I still make the mistake of assuming I'm depressed. I think it comes down to the fact that I don't feel anything I'd guess was joy based on the people around me's expressions of joy. Nothing I feel would make me want to react the way most people do when they feel joy. I can't imagine why it took me this long to realize that, especially since I spent so long when I was younger learning to have facial expression. It wasn't automatic. Most body language wasn't. And so now, I have to figure out what joy feels like, not in terms of gestures, but in terms of the weight of the emotion. If anyone ever reads this (I've yet to decide if I'll give out a link) any advice would be welcome.