Bright is flirting with my puppy. This makes me really angry, and I have no idea why. I'm okay with the concept of the puppy dating random girls I'll never meet, and perfectly content with Bright doing whatever she pleases, but somehow the concept of the two of them kissing raises my hackles and extends my claws. It Shouldn't Be.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure I'd be almost equally bothered if it were the Music-girl Puppy were flirting with. Or if it were my grandfreshman. But I'm pretty sure he wouldn't flirt with his freshman, so that's okay. Not that I'm not flirting with my grandfreshman, but I swear I'm not a horrible grandfreshman molester. She's encouraging me.
In other words the High School has invaded my love life, and is causing all this bullshit that isn't quite drama, but seems drama-like enough to me. It's more stupid than drama has any right to be, and is very much reminding me why Avi is a good idea. But I am determined to have a decent relationship with Beshi and do silly normal girl things this year. It's even enjoyable. Really.
And all of this is slightly tangent, and yet still completely relevant. But not really helping me figure out why Bright and Puppy aren't allowed to make out. I don't know if Puppy is allowed to make out with anyone I've actually met, now that I think about it. He's my puppy, and, though while not around me he has complete freedom, the moment I'm involved, I want him to be non-sexual and a pillow, or curled up in my lap. It seems to be a form of jealousy, which is patently ridiculous, but only to be expected.
So I need to start paying more attention to him as an independent being in the here-and-now. Probably, I should call him something other than Puppy. And, just seeing him around Bright and acknowledging that there's a sexual aspect of their interactions that's absent from my interactions with him should help. Also, remembering that neither of them are the type to stop cuddling with me just because cuddling with each other is special.
And the High School bullshit is not fundamentally and necessarily different from other social settings. And the grandfreshman and I will never have anything I don't want us to have. And it is not necessarily immature to have romantic stuff that happens while at school. I think that's everything.
On a completely unrelated note: remind me that I can fight my emotions when I need to, and that I don't need to be anything, even unpredictable.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
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